specialbrewrants

Politics on the Piss

By the time you're reading this Toby Blair will be the high and dry winner of the 2005 election. In the words of the Bard, Michael Howard had no chance.

" There is a tide in the affairs of men. Which taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life Is bound in shallows and in miseries "

In other words for you illiterates out there, the circumstances out there were never right for him. If you had Winston Churchill, Disraeli or Maggie in charge, they would have never beaten Blair, because politics mirrors life in an important way.

Labour is the party when you're on the lash and having a good time. The Tories are the party for you, if you have a massive hangover and want to sober up and straighten your life up.

I don't know about you but my life is:

1. God I feel so terrible I'm never going to drink again. I'll work hard and get things sorted out. After a few days... I don't feel too bad now. I've worked so hard and its about time I had some fun.

2. One little beer that couldn't hurt me. Oh this buzz is great I am living life to the full why did I waste time on all that boring rubbish. Nothing can hurt me and my good buddies.

Goto 1.

In 2005 we are about at the "I'll have a drink to stop the pain that I know I'm going to face, if I sober up" stage. It hasn't got quite so Winter of Discontent that the pain is enough to stop the party.

Let's face we don't want Michael Howard, that tight fisted Shylock at our party; well it's possible: Pigs might fly. I'm not taken in by any of Alistair Campboil's propaganda at all, but I would not want to be waking up to ugly Michael in the morning as the poster says.

Mind you, I'd rather wake up with my cock up the Tory leader's ringpiece than with the labia lipped trollope Tony Blair is going to be waking up with in the morn. Its a tribute to the man's ability to lie to himself that he can boast about going five rounds with the Wicked Witch in the night. As for myself, if I had drunk the 20 pints necessary to give it one, I would still take the additional precaution of going to bed with a chainsaw to hack the cuddling arm off it in the morning.

It's not that it's that ugly, her half sister is worth the full 2 minutes, but there is something rotten in the state of Cherie Blair. Tony is a sunshine kind of guy, but Cherie and Grodon are walking storm clouds waiting to rain on anyone who comes near. Oh, I forgot, and she steals money from childrens' charities to pay the mortgage on her, otherwise European Commission of Human Rights funded property empire.

To return to the subject: that we are on the piss explains all our present problems:

The Asylum Chrisis:

You're my fuckin' best mate you are. Come in to my place and have some drinks. No stay the night. [To sober person] Don't worry he is n't going to steal anything, or shit on the toilet seat. He's like a brother, he is.

Tax and Spend

Come on! Trebles all around. The Drinks are on him. He's got loads of cash.

Violent Crime

You looking at my bird? Whack!

You would think the British people would be smart enough to stay sober and progress their lives.

It makes complete sense, but then I examine my conduct, and I would be a complete hypocrite to be telling you that.

posted by gruad @ 11:41 pm