specialbrewrants

Christian Jihad

Not one day goes by without us reading in the paper that Muslims are trying to ban some of our most cherished traditions like the Piggy Bank, Burger King Icecreams and Winnie the Pooh's Piglet.

It's about time us Christians (that probably doesn't include me really since I'm Church of England) started protesting about the affront to our religion that modern society is. Fellow Christian Warriors here are some suggestions of how to take the war to the enemy.

1. Your workmate eats a bread roll - so offensive because it's the body of Christ.

2. Someone with a headache takes a tablet. For fukes sake Moses had to go up the burning bush to get the tablets in the first place: how can you possibly offend Christian sensibilities more.

3. When you are on a DV (Domestic Violence charge) this works a treat with a beak who knows his Bible.

Tell the judge you gave her a slap because during love making she utterd the words "Oh God. Oh God". One of the commandments forbids against it; the one called taking the name of our Lord in vein [sic].

4. People eating salt. Lot's wife was turned into salt and so if you are eating salt you are eating Lot's wife, which, while she might enjoy it, is committing the sin of adultery.

Let's get out there and reclaim the mainstream of bigotry that used to ours but which we senselessly handed over to the Muslims...

posted by gruad @ 1:39 pm