specialbrewrants

Bridget's just old hat and that's why our readers have fallen hook, line and sinker for the diary of a Muslim Singleton that's a complete blast.

October 31:

Jihads 2 v.v.good

Fatwas 1 (room for improvement)

Weight(without dynamite belt on) 8st 4 (excellent!)

Shazza was in a bit of a tizz this morning.

"I thought we were going to hear a talk by Iman," says she. "You know the supermodel wife of rock star David Bowie?"

"You need to get your ears cleaned out young lady." I chided from one of the mats in the Mosque. "I definitely said let's go and hear what the Imam has to say."

However she was soon absorbed in the spell binding rhetoric of the Mullah and left the meeting firmly convinced of the rectitude of the Palesinian struggle against the Zionist Marxists of Israel backed by that Great Satan USA.

"Allah Al Akhbar!" shouted Shaz "I'm off to make some Ricin."

--o--

Some friends were round later and we got to discussing the benefits in the afterlife of Female Suicide Bombers (or should that be Bomberesses!)

"If the guys are getting 72 virgins surely we should be getting something pretty hot."

"Mmm, I don't mind how many I get as long as that Jude Law's at the front of the queue."

Am I alone in believing that Mr Law's breakup with Sienna is a blessing to all us singletons. He can take me to heaven any day!

--o--

Talking of Sex Gods I had to get ready for my date that evening with Abu. It was time to dress up in my LBB (Little Black Burqua). It was seduction time and the eye slit was daringly cut a full centimetre wider than other less modest garments.

The Tora Bora is one of the most exclusive restaurants and its rumoured OBL himself can make the rare appearance.

"INFIDEL PIGS MUST ALL DIE!" commented Abu as he seductively used his hook to pick out pieces of cave squirrel meat that had become wedged in his teeth.

"Are you doing anything for Bonfire night?" I tactfully changed the subject.

I was fishing for a Mini Break - perhaps a couple of nights alone together in Iran or North Korea.

But what he did next completely took me by surprise. If this is not a sign of commitment then what is?

He stared deep into my eyes and his unseeing socket pulsed with mad emotion.

"You will be my firework for all Britain to see," he promised.

Dear Diary: I just can't wait!