What if they found the Brighton Bomb
I think the failure of Maggie Thatcher goes back to the attempt to kill her by the IRA and the loss of a political right hand man of pure genius - Norman Tebbit who had to care for his wife after the disaster.
This could be the departure that even avoids the vote in the first place:
IRA Brighton Bomb Discovered.
"Ya. Hello"
"This is the Brighton Grand. We seem to have an overflow in one of our rooms."
"I'm going to have to strip out a lot of hotel. I've worked on the rooms before."
"We need this sorted. We got the Tory Party coming to stay here and we can't have the ceiling dripping on Willie Whitelaw."
"Ok I'll do it, but get a chippie to repair the damage I do."
That year the Tory party conference was held in the lesser Pavillion Hotel once the huge time bomb was defused by the Army. A series of arrest followed but the cell structure of the IRA meant that the monkey and not the organ grinder paid the price.
Norman Tebbit was viewed as the natural successor to Maggie. A possessor of a lightening sharp mind and a free market advocate despite his former trade union membership, he came to the fore in 1990 after the disasterous imposition of the poll tax.
Heseltine with his Lion's mane of hair threw down the challenge with a roar as Maggie resigned. He expected immediate elevation as the next pm, for in the OTL he only had to fight the Brixton bomber John Major. But in our ATL, the lightweight challenge was the side show to the heavyweight contender for the championship of Great Britain. Ladies and Gentlemen let me present to you...
Mr Norman Tebbit!
Iraq the Truth.
Can someone out there please give me a rational reason why Bush invaded Iraq.
DEFINITELY FALSE REASONS Nations always act in their self interest so let's dismiss the altruistic to democratize the Middle East (so why not Africa?)
Next the WMD's argument has been seen to be a made up pretext to make it legal to invade in that Iraq was a direct threat to the US.
Support for Al Quaeda from Iraq is total rubbish: Saddam only recognised one power, himself.
POSSIBLE REASONS To make the US the preferred partner in dealing with Middle Eastern Oil as opposed to Europe, Russia, India, China or the Far East.
This relies on the Conspiracy theory that Saddam had started to deal his oil in Euros and this undermined the viability of the US Dollar for countries from which the US had borrowed. This would result in a run on the US Dollar pegged artifially high and would mean economic meltdown for the US deprived of its cheap imports.
I think that no one sensible can dispute:
1. It made sense to overthrow the regime in Afganistan.
2. The average Iraqi will eventually be better off without Saddam.
3. The WMD pretext for war against Iraq was seriously flawed. At best the intelligence was flawed; at worst Bush deliberately lied.
What is at dispute is the benefit the US is getting from the Invasion. There has to be a reason of self interest for the US to invade in the first place. Nor can this be down to stupidity as some people maintain. Bush may not be the brightest light in the administration but he is surrounded by thousands of highly intelligent people. How did America get to be top dog in the first place: not by being stupid.
Certainly the short term cost is high both in lives and effort. Oil prices have risen. AQ has a presence in Iraq it never had. AQ has gathered more recruits since the invasion.
In the long term democratic or non democratic the Iraqis are going to own the oil. The US will certainly have major influence over that oil, but this is not the same as the simple theft of the oil that some commentators maintain.
The "Why Iraq?" that some have put forward on this forum is that Saudi Arabia is the real target since OBL's movement originated there and enjoys support without the government cracking down on it.
Invading SA directly would be disasterous since world oil supplies would suffer because SA has about 70% of the
World's reserves, but stationing troops in Iraq would mean that US troops can invade SA at a drop of a hat. Thus SA's rulers would spot the writing on the wall and begin putting their house in order.
There are flaws in this argument:
1. Where is the evidence that SA is doing anything about AQ?
2. If we were unwilling to invade SA in the past because of the crisis in world oil supplies that would result, then surely that argument still applies.
Some of the evidence that tends to support this is:
1. US troops stationed in SA because of the Kuwait problem had been asked to leave, but I am sure that Kuwait would have been happy to give them a home.
2. Iraq is right in the Middle of the middle east whereas Kuwait is at the south of it.
This is my take on it so far
THE TRUTH With 90% of the Worlds Oil Reserves the Middle East is strategically important to the USA - more so, now there are more customers for the oil. It cannot risk Islamic Fundamentalism arising in the area and exerting a stranglehold on the US.
The US develops a long term plan to occupy Iraq for its strategic location and pretexts include the evil of Saddam, the War on Terror, WMD and democrasy for the Middle East, but they are only what the public is told, not the true reason.
The plan is a long term one in that the insurgency was expected but could not be revealed to be expected to the public to whom the war would have to be sold.
The US genuinely wants democracy for Iraq and hopes a knock on effect will occur effectively replacing dictatorships and the reason for terrorism. Overall it is a plan that will produce good for the world but that's not the reason behind it.
I can see why some people thought this thread was a double blind. In my eyes:
Bush invaded Iraq to ensure Middle Eastern Oil Supplies to the USA. Iraq was chosen because of its strategic position and because it provided suitable pretexts that could be sold to the public.
Which is almost: "Bush invaded Iraq solely for the oil"
I have just realised something I think is quite important to the whole Iraq debate.
People talk about the Iraq war as being badly planned because there was no contingency for a prolonged war against insurgents within Iraq. This again comes back to the attitude that "Americans are thickos and GB is the thickest of the bunch" which as I have pointed out earlier is complete bullshit.
THE WHOLE POINT OF THE INVASION OF IRAQ WAS TO GET TROOPS INTO A STRATEGIC POSITION IN IRAQ TO ENSURE FUTURE OIL SUPPLIES TO AMERICA. THE INSURGENCY ALLOWS THE TROOPS TO BE KEPT IN IRAQ WHICH IS THE OBJECTIVE ALL ALONG.
THE ADMINISTRATION KNEW THERE WOULD BE INSURGENCY ALL ALONG. THEY KNEW THIS WOULD WORK TO THEIR ADVANTAGE BY LEGITIMIZING THE PRESENCE OF AMERICAN TROOPS. ALTHOUGH THERE IS MUCH TALK BY THE ADMINISTRATION ABOUT A PULL OUT TO PLACATE THE PUBLIC, THERE IS NO INTENTION TO WITHDRAW TROOPS BECAUSE THAT WOULD DEFEAT THE OBJECT OF THE MISSION IN THE FIRST PLACE.
So the War is going to plan after all...
Sorry I got my last post 100% wrong. Please disregard it. 2 guys have turned up in really sharp suits and they are really clean cut and persuaded me I have an overactive imagination.
I was expecting them to be from MI5 but they were Jehova's witnesses. I will be doing Bible study everynight and not messing with the Internet from now on.
Is 90 days too long?
If this is the ninety days that Toby's got left before he resigns then...
90 DAYS IS DEFINITELY TOO LONG!
Quote: Blair defeated over terror laws
Prime Minister Tony Blair has lost the key House of Commons vote on plans to allow police to hold terror suspects without charge for up to 90 days.
At last he has an excuse to get out. Cherry's going to be nagging him to go on the lecture circuit to get the cash to fund the wilting investments she is behind and we all know what a nagging woman is like - they eventually get what they want because they are like children in their attitude, but with the powers of persuasion of a Pussy.
I think he can (like Bonkett) go with his head held high and reputation intact - Not! Obviously Slimeball Brun has been conspiring behind his back.
And then moving in silently, down wind and out of sight
You gotta strike when the moment is right without thinking. Cue Dave Gilmour Guitar solo.
That's the way it happened to Maggie (God Bless Her) and that's the way it is happening to Tony.
Shakespeare said it all in his magnum opus:
Tobius Bleasar.[Blair drops to ground, a hundred wounds of the dagger bleed deep into his toga. He catches sight of the last of the conspirators with blade poised to strike]
Quote:
|
Et tu, Browne?
Infamy, they've all got it in for me.
|
[Exeunt, body dragged by stagehands].
Slapper about to win Public Sector Lottery
According to the
Scum (Toby's Lickspittle Rag)
| Quote: |
Special Forces spy Leah Mates broke down sobbing yesterday after claiming she suffered years of degrading sexual abuse.
|
If it was that bad abuse why did she put up with it for years. Obviously to load up the compo pot.
Anyone who has not suffered a bit of abuse at work is not human its all the tapestry of life that makes us human. And the only answer is to give it back the more. If someone is punching you physically, you respond and it has to be that way verbally.
Leah Mates thinks she is unattractive as a result of years of abuse and they even called her a 'lesbian', yet there is a picture of her in the Sun today and she looks more like a Lipstick Lesbian that the usual swamp donkey you would associate with Lesbotic practices.
James Bulgers parents got about 12K. Soldiers having their limbs amputated dont get much more but watch out for this bimbo copping the public sector lottery as her award (688k + more for "hurt feelings") under the Cherry Blair commisariat finally breaches the psychologically significant 1MILLION MARK.
I remember my Dad telling me it takes someone 10 days to count to a Million...
JPH's Kebab Nightmare by SS.
Ladies (unlikely I know) and Gentlemen (plural also unlikely) readers of this Blog. It is my pround pleasure to introduce to you a new monkey on the typewriter. By the traditions of this Blog he will be known only by his initials, SS. (No relation to the famous organisation of the same name, I think) Sometimes a great master must take on an apprentice with a view to his own future and to pass his great skills down to future generation. Ideally the one chosen should display a natural talent for drunken ranting so ferocious that with careful nurture he will eventually surpass his master in this fine art. Unfortunately the words 'talent' and 'skills' are so devoid from my new boy-wonder of the text, that if they are applied to SS then their use will be somewhat oxymoronic. Moronic is actually what you can expect from this cant as he is normally Stella'd off his tits. Enjoy...Good evening y'all. Welcome to the all new 'friends of JPH'
specialbrewrants posting section.
As you can imagine, the number of contributors to this section will be finite. In fact, if there are any other contributors other than me, I'll eat my hat. Let me introduce myself. My name is Tony Blair. I'm JPH's ONLY friend.
I'm posting now as JPH is currently sat on the pot squealing like a pig, arse like the flag of japan, whilst listening to the Dark Side of the Moon. The Kebabs round here are very nice. I've had one myself this evening - nothing wrong with mine, but JPH's seemed to want to 'follow through' all the way if you get my drift. Anyway, you may have had a rather one-sided view of JPH's character from his incessant mysogonistic rants on this blog. I'm here to set the record straight[sic].
Straight is a rather ambiguous term when talking about JPH. He may not be inclined to roger a member of the same sex up the Cadbury Highway, but that doesn't make him any less a deviant. Only this evening, I've had to listen to him waffle on about the merits of pouring a half pint of cream over his knob and letting some farmyard animal lick it off. And me a Member of parliament!
Note to Self :
Cream from waitrose, 3 litres should do it, oh, and get rid of Cherie for the evening.
Note to Self2:
If it works for an evening, think about ditching the fucking puke-inducing whore-bag permanently and moving to a farm in Devon.
JPH plays TimeCop
Having watched an excellent Jean Claude Van Damme movie I have to conclude in the action stakes he is far above Steven Segal who my mate's wife fancies.
Timecop sought to eradicate from history those who were of a particularly evil bent.
So imagine you are a high kicking semi-invincible hard nut sent from the future able to destroy your particular bugbear from history. The time stasis generation field only works once. If you are to return for another kill then the energy of the field will divert to your internal organs and you will have a most horrible death as the price of killing a second person.
So, who in the panoply of sadists that echo their footsteps in the corridoors of history would you do?
Who?
---o---
Timecop Part I
Always liked the bid about Chairman Mao never washing under his foreskin and that was the job for the women of the revolution to wash under there.
Would tart meself up with a load of red eye shadow and shave my eyebrows. I'm sure I could get into his inner circle.
Heh!
Only I stopped off at 1973 on the way and I have got Jaws' from The Spy who Loved me set of Titanium Gnashers.
"Eat Cheese my love," would be his last words...
---o---
Timecop Part II
Who is the super cool white dude that inhabits the corridoors of time, And wobetide you muthafucka if you committed a crime, That's against human race Because I'm right in your face My names JPH and I don't need to rhyme.After giving the blowjob from hell to the Chairman, the Lords of the 5 dimensional universe (3 spatial, 1 time and 1 AH) have given me permission to relieve the world of its 2nd worst criminal of all time (according to the Guiness Book of Records).
Leon Trotsky: "What is this strange kind of Music".
JPH: "It's Whatever Happened to the Heroes by the Stranglers."
Ipod: What ever happened to Leon Trotsky?
LT: "My God that's me"
Ipod: He got an Icepick that made his ears burn.
LT: "That Bastard Stalin?"
JPH: "Yes."
Later on that evening. Trotsky and JPH have been feigning drunkenness. But they still laughed with hilarity as the man of Steel shot 2 waiters for not chilling the red wine properly.
LT: "Hold the cunt down."
JPH: "Watch my fingers Leon. Careful how you swing that axe"
A jet of pressurized blood blasted on the ceiling as the electricity of the 2nd Soviet 5 year plan died and a new era was ushered in.
Al Quaeda vs Complexities of the English Language
How about simplified speling [sic] for the English Language.
http://www.spellingsociety.org/journ...flets/ses2.phpApparently we each waste one year of our educational lives learning complex English spelling.
[Mind you that text in the link is a bit of hard going at first]
Let's say 1900 reform was adopted that respelt all English words phonentically using the 40 phonemes used in the language consistently and also we introduced a new alphabet with a one to one correspondence to the phonemes.
(Currently there are 500 representations of the phonemes).
Other countries have done this so it is not that extreme.
Probly no Shakespeare in schools then!
Just realised that if learning spelling wastes one year of your life...
That is 1/80th of every English speaking person - lets say that everyone lives to 80.
So if there are 500 million English speaking people that is 500 million years lost or 6 million lifetimes.
So let's get the death tallies of Al Quaeda in perspective.
Hitler II
BerlinOver the past couple of months a middle-aged Paraguayan émigré has been attracting attention to himself within the local Neo-Nazi community with amazing claims. He says he is the only child of the infamous German leader Adolf Hitler, a man who killed over 40 million throughout Europe in his twelve year-rule. Adolf Hitler is believed to have committed suicide in the wreckage of his Fuehrerbunker with his new-wife and long time mistress Eva Braun. AT LAST! HE HAS RETURNED.
Finally I understand the Fuhrer's Promise of a Thousand Year Reich.
World War II was a massive feint to lull the Allies into a sense of false superiority and to gain the conditions favourable for German Reich to finally succeed.
In the East:
The temporary political fashion that is Communism has collapsed and the Jew has finally re established his oligarchy over the Slav. As the Fuhrer once said kick in the door and the whole house will come tumbling down.
In the West:
There will be no more speculation regarding Operation Sealion. The Alternative History Posters knew it could not work and so did the Fuhrer. That is why he decided to wait for a Channel Tunnel to be built so that his Panzers can travel to defeat the Englander in Style. The rest of the troops will enter as illegal aliens since England seems to have abandoned all border controls.
The capitalist degenerates of the United States are tied down fighting a war they can never win in the Middle East.
I can see it now: a Pincer Movement of Panzers to pluck out the heart of the Soviet empire. The Americans will crumble as we ally with our new Arabic friends (granted honary Aryan status, of course).
Then when the Swastika flies above all the nations of the world, we shall remove the DNA from Muller and isolate the originally pure Aryan genes of the Fuhrer and clone his genius so that he may view the ultimate triumph of his masterplan.
Ein Reich! Ein Deutchland! Zwei Fuhrers!
Seig Heil!
http://alternatehistory.com/discussion/showthread.php?p=284297Und anuzzer thing...
Der European Union achieved in a few short years what our Panzers could never do. A European Hegonomy where an unelected elite dictated the mores of the oldest civilisation of the world.
Add to zis the victories in 2 Vorld Cups and it should have been 3 only the linesman was a Slav and we can now realise that our Fuhrer's vision has been realised.
Und vonce you haf finished pouring money, Americaners, into our Arabic Aryan friends in new Berlin (or Bhagdad as you now call it) zere vill be total domination of your economy as their exports blossom like Germany and Japan und zey purchase large chunks of your country.
Prime Minister Scargill - By Jeffrey Archer
As the first Sealink Hovercraft disgorged its Cargo of Soviet tanks that were to head to London on the A127 from Dover to back up Scargill's regime embarked, Maggie Thatcher signalled her intentions to commander Tebbit of the English resistance.
Even at a distance you could tell Margaret Thatcher was an unusually attractive woman. At the age of 30 she had turned down an American Billionaire because it would have meant leaving her beloved England.
She raised the bazooka to her shoulder and let fly. That was one tank that would never make it to the capital...
Brian Epstein 1934-2005
Brian Epstein
19 Sep 1934 - 10 Aug 2005
The Liverpool Echo mourns the death of Liverpool's most famous son: Brian Epstein Record Entrepreneur, Founder of OUT! and Gay Rights activist.
Echo correspondent, Richard Starkey, records a discussion at his wake in Liverpool with his old associate John Lennon. Both Richard and John were active in the Liverpool beat scene which, for Brian, was the beginning of his road to the big time.
Richard Starkey (RS) : These sausage rolls are stale.
John Lennon (JL) : Brian would never have allowed that to happen.
RS: He was a great man.
JL: He was a great airline.
RS: OUT! is one of the biggest airlines in the world. Few knew at the time he was making a statement.
JL: He had guts, but he never had mine.
RS: I think he fancied the bass player. You were a bit rough for his taste.
JL: Air Stewards all over the gay world can be thankful he made their job acceptable.
RS: You're not jealous of Paul.
JL: Brian only wanted the rough.
RS: You're as rough as they come. I don't think a man who founded NEMS chain of stores and an airline of his own would want to deal with the lack of class you were.
JL: If there's anyone lacking class its you, you hairy arsed troll.
RS: Now, now, I never said I fancied him. Who was that pretty man on the bass guitar.
JL: You're not going to believe me: Paul McCartney.
RS: No, not, Paul off morning TV.
JL: You played with us one night when Pete was seeing some bird.
RS: Did I?
JL: Arseholed that night you were. Mind you we all were.
RS: Brian would have liked it us all arseholed.
JL: Your jokes are as sh*t as your drumming.
RS: I'll have you know I was in a happening band.
JL: What with Rory and the Stormtroopers.
RS: No my kids the Starrs. When they were 16 and 17 they played the guitar and they couldn't find a drummer. So they approached me. I lasted 30 gigs until they got an agent. He told them get rid of the old guy.
JL: Did you go quietly?
RS: Yes and my boys, God bless them said they would n't go on without me, but I told them about Rory and how you only get one chance.
JL: So what happened?
RS: One's an accountant and one's a journalist.
JL: Journalist are scum.
RS: A lot better than Milkmen.
JL: The housewifes didn't think so. Besides I had 3 daughters to feed: the wife had had triplets.
RS: Can't have been yours: your sperm was too pissed to swim straight.
JL: That was the problem. It wasn't the best job to get after I finished with the Beatles, a milkman. Too much time on my hand. I could drink with the posties in the afternoon and in the morning there was too much of it about.
RS: Not surprised Cynthia left you. Surprised she stuck around to 77. John, really she was a lovely girl.
JL: We get on right now. And me and Faith, Hope and Charity get on just fine...
RS: You didnt call them that?
JL: Jenna, Melanie and Natasha actually. They hated me. It was only about 10 years ago that they thought I'd sobered up enough to see their kids. And I agree with them because they had seen me battering their mother.
RS: It only took you 10 years to come round. People say it was more than just alcohol.
JL: I'm a good Catholic boy. It was nothing more than the sweet nectar of Alcohol. Still I ended up in rehab fighting for my life and I've been a good boy ever since.
RS: Didn't you meet your wife there?
JL: Is this an interview or do you have a memory like a sieve? John Lennon, picture book writer would not have been born if it was not for her. And she does the pictures.
RS: What happened to that lad who could play guitar.
JL: After I had to go on the Milk round the Beatles continued on as a three piece for about 2 gigs but Mr Epstein insisted they still wore the suits.
RS: When the Rolling Stones were number one?
JL: It went to a 2 piece after that. mcartney's parents stepped in after that to spare him from Rock and Roll and he got a place in college studying law.
RS: But that was not the end of his musical aspirations.
Together: Opportunity Knocks!
JL: He made the final. That was a catchy song. I can't remember but it was a good tune...
RS: You remember the winner though.
Together: "Billy don't be a hero."
JL: Didn't stop him though. The girlies always liked him and the publicity never did him any harm. Liverpool City councillor, aged 31.
RS: ...the Permatan Bastard!
JL: Sir Permatan Bastard, it looks like if Tony has his way.
RS: I asked you what happened to George!
JL: Yes that bloke could play the guitar. Me, I just used to play what I felt. I'd move my hand when it felt right, but that kid he knew all the names of the notes.
RS: I heard he went to London and learnt to read music. He was big on all the hits as a session man but never in the limelight.
JL: I'd have been in the limelight. As it was it was the early morning light. Things were looking good for our George and then he got religion.
RS: Never sent you a post card either.
JL: Don't know if guru George is alive or dead, but good luck if he is.
RS: I hear someone else is back on the scene.
JL: The John Lennon live at the Red Lion on Sunday nights is what you are talking about might I guess?
RS: I saw the chalked board though I did not venture in.
JL: Its me, the guitar and a cubase backing track to 70's. 80's, 90's hits.
RS: Do any of the old Beatles stuff?
JL: I did one, but they all used it as an excuse to go to the toilet.
RS: Need a drummer.
JL: There's no room for you lad. Anyway Cubase does all that and its to time. Anyway thought we were talking about Brian.
RS: So we were. I hear you were pretty close to getting a recording contract.
JL: We were as close as any other band that's not good enough to make it.
RS: Not one of Brian's success stories then?
JL: He tried every record company under the sun. We put all our chips on EMI. He said there was a producer who would appreciate the musicality of the Beatles.
RS: What happened?
JL: Ill on the day. Never listened to the tape after that. Had better things to do.
RS: Don't you wonder WHAT IF?
JL: Not really.
What if Bush and Saddam fought a duel to see who would rule Iraq.
Bush: Choose your weapons Saddam.
Saddam: Here is your Rubik's cube for Iraq, and this is mine for America.
Bush: Goddam it, you son of a camel, that takes real intellect. What are you planning for the USA if you win.
Saddam: We will invade Mexico, the 19th Province of the USA.
Bush: And let all the Wetbacks in in one go. What about the Jews?
Saddam: As long as they help me with this Rubik's cube they can remain.
Bush: I've got a whole side white; how's it going Prince of Arabia?
Saddam: I have 1/3 complete that is 17 of your states. Why don't we stop now and you can have Basra and I will take California and the Eastern States?
Bush: Come on Condolessa, I thought you were supposed to be intelligent.
Condolezza Rice: Sir, intelligence sources suggest you nuke the cube and use nanotech mini robots to reassemble the cube in correct sequence.
Saddam: Why don't we just go with the light sabres and fight it out like Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader. This f**king cube is doing my head in.
Bush: Who's Darth Vader?
Saddam: He's a jet black guy with a huge helmet.
Bush: Where's Colin Powell when you need him?
Me and David Icke
According to David Icke and conspiracy theorists Reptilian forms ARE the dominant life forms on Planet Earth NOW.
All you need is a zoom lens and entry to the Bildeburg conference grounds and you can see these evil lizards shape shifting and sacrificing human children.
I secretly interviewed Mel Gibson (in Lizard Form) after falling out of a tree.
Me: So that's how you can get away with making so many crap films lately.
MG: Yeah, Hollywood is pretty much Reptilian controlled.
Me: What, even the fit birds like Rene Zellweger?
MG: Fit? She's a Brontosaurus when she shape shifts.
Me: I thought we humans discovered the New World to get away from you lot.
MG: No, Columbus was one of us. That's him over there actually.
Me: Schwarzenegger?
MG: Yes, we live for a thousand or more of your earth years. We needed more land area to farm you humans.
Me: And the American Revolution?
MG: See Tony Blair over there? We don't call him "T Rex Tony" for nothing. He's played over 50 power crazed politicians in his career. Yes, including George Washington.
Me: And since then the American Presidents...
MG: Have all been Lizards. Oh apart from Kennedy and Lincoln. So unfortunate it had to end that way for them.
Me: So George W is one of you reptiles.
MG: Don't insult us, human! We could never find a lizard that stupid!
I escaped with my videocam as proof of the lizard peoples but unfortunately I had loaded a BetaMax cassette.
Nazis escape to a Parallel Earth and re-emerge 2005.
1945: Werner Heisenburg has constructed a device like the Stargate.
At last! He locates another planet similar to earth 5 million years ago and creates a connection through which personnel can move but only in a one way direction. The SS and prime Ayran women breeding stock is evacuated from Germany. Hitler summons his double to Berlin and puts a bullet into him before stepping through the gate to new Germania.
Heisenburg has calculated that the gate has returned the Germans to 500AD so this will give them time to breed and populate the planet till 2005 when the gate from new Germania will open and they will be free to invade planet Earth. However, just like the Terminator series, only living material can pass through the gate, and the SS will turn up naked on their new planet.
Would a new terrifying Nazi society arise in the 1500 years given, or would the message of the Nazis be lost as they struggled to survive on a hostile planet?
If SS stormtroopers were to pour back through the wormhole later this year how would their technology compare?
Burquit Yonarwi's Diary
As might be serialized in the completely not at all Islamophobic:
Burquit Yonarwi's Diary Bridget's just old hat and that's why our readers have fallen hook, line and sinker for the diary of a Muslim Singleton that's a complete blast.
October 31:
Jihads 2 v.v.good
Fatwas 1 (room for improvement)
Weight(without dynamite belt on) 8st 4 (excellent!)
Shazza was in a bit of a tizz this morning.
"I thought we were going to hear a talk by Iman," says she. "You know the supermodel wife of rock star David Bowie?"
"You need to get your ears cleaned out young lady." I chided from one of the mats in the Mosque. "I definitely said let's go and hear what the Imam has to say."
However she was soon absorbed in the spell binding rhetoric of the Mullah and left the meeting firmly convinced of the rectitude of the Palesinian struggle against the Zionist Marxists of Israel backed by that Great Satan USA.
"Allah Al Akhbar!" shouted Shaz "I'm off to make some Ricin."
--o--
Some friends were round later and we got to discussing the benefits in the afterlife of Female Suicide Bombers (or should that be Bomberesses!)
"If the guys are getting 72 virgins surely we should be getting something pretty hot."
"Mmm, I don't mind how many I get as long as that Jude Law's at the front of the queue."
Am I alone in believing that Mr Law's breakup with Sienna is a blessing to all us singletons. He can take me to heaven any day!
--o--
Talking of Sex Gods I had to get ready for my date that evening with Abu. It was time to dress up in my LBB (Little Black Burqua). It was seduction time and the eye slit was daringly cut a full centimetre wider than other less modest garments.
The Tora Bora is one of the most exclusive restaurants and its rumoured OBL himself can make the rare appearance.
"INFIDEL PIGS MUST ALL DIE!" commented Abu as he seductively used his hook to pick out pieces of cave squirrel meat that had become wedged in his teeth.
"Are you doing anything for Bonfire night?" I tactfully changed the subject.
I was fishing for a Mini Break - perhaps a couple of nights alone together in Iran or North Korea.
But what he did next completely took me by surprise. If this is not a sign of commitment then what is?
He stared deep into my eyes and his unseeing socket pulsed with mad emotion.
"You will be my firework for all Britain to see," he promised.
Dear Diary: I just can't wait!
David Blunket's Latest Squeeze.
Congratulations, Dave, you've pulled a total stunner. I've christened her 'Ecin' - Everything Cherie Is Not. There were some great pictures in the Star of her Topless Sunbathing - your bird, not Cherie - she'd only make Crufts monthly.
We were a bit doubtful about mad woman Kimberly who clearly had missed out on her rabies vaccination, but you have hit the jackpot with this hottie. Doubters are saving that your pulling power comes from being a top government minister, but I reckon you must have the gift of the gab. I'll have to try that "I want you to have my babies" line next time I'm out on the Chardonnay.
With me she even have to have my babies. I would just be happy if I managed to fire my sperm over the bitch's tits. And if I had the chance I would forgo masterbating for about 3 weeks just to make sure my jizz was nice and congealed and therefore good looking.
Give us back Our Land
What Labour should have done was take all the Monarchy and Assorted aristocracy and abolished it wholesale in 1945 with lands being divided up amongst the commoners.
ie they should have done something useful instead of just taxing the working class which is what they have done since.
Relieving the Aristocracy of their lands which they obtained by brute force would be a simple affair. The lands would fall into the hands of a company of which all adult Plebians at the time would be equal share holders and then the shares would be traded on the stock market. The nobs would be left a wealth 10 times that of the average individual so they couldn't complain poverty.
This would have been a great way to sort things out in Zimbabwe:-
With Zimbabwe all you have to do is redistribute the land using the above scheme and then what the holding company does is pay the white farmers to farm it while encouraging them to teach the rest of the country how to farm a small holding.
Robert Mugabe, if you're reading this on a late night bottle of Teachers and the freshly drained blood of a chicken then contact me and I'll sort your country out for you, so that you will be gettin’ the OBE soon my friend.
Aristos don't just own big stretches of sheep farming land they own big chunks of London cf. the Duke of Westminster. Their control of the supply of land pushes up the price for the rest of us.
Also they can keep their titles but they don't really mean much without the wonga to back it up.
Also House of Lords goes and is not replaced. Maybe it is turned into flats like county hall.
For example primo aristo Duke of Westminster is worth 5.6 billion for his lands.
There are 48 million adults. Doing the Maths that gives £5,600 / 48 = 116 pounds per member of the population. That is round about 80 cans of Special Brew or an Ounce of blow and that's only the first of the list. Probly with the rest of the Aristocrats (incl her Maj= 5bn approx) we could be talking about a tidy sum of £500 which I think in plebian parlance is a "monkey".
I have to say that private property gained through hard work should be sacrosanct but that inheritance from ancestors who gained what they did through brute force should be another issue.
I am not advocating state control of the wealth of the uber-class I am advocating that it be given to the people via the stock exchange. That land has to be made productive and there are various deals the Public company in charge of the estates (call it Plebland plc for argument) could pay to have this done even paying the former owners to maintain it. Just like the stock exchange sell offs your average punter could sell at any time he needed to finance his drug habit.
The rule would be very simple: any one with more than 10 times the national wealth in land who could not prove that the worth of the land was earned in their lifetime would have their holding reduced to 10 times the national wealth (still a substantial chunk) and the rest would be placed under the management of Plebland plc.
Mind you this is probably too simple for someone like Gordon Brown. The principle of Socialism is redistribution of wealth. We are being taxed on earnings, the rate of increase of wealth, which is not the same thing.
In economics formula, Gordon:
W=Wealth, t = time, k = some constant, d = differential operator.
Under ideal socialism:
Tax = k W
Under Brownism.
Tax = k dW/dt
Under Aristo accounting.
k dW/dT = 0 (Hence they have massive assets and pay no tax).
I think what happened when Parliament got its ascendency in 1650 or so was that the toffs said they could have the working class (the new name for serfs) to tax as long as they left the Posh alone.
Now that scottish tosser Brown is not going to change things because the Upper Classes still remain part of the secret ruling elite that controls this country and a deal is a deal and wobetide anyone breaks his word. Just like anyone else the Coven of Nobs behind this conspiracy are greedy bastards and want to hang on to everything they can.
NB The Queen is the chief conspirator in this affair. She is not entirely a figurehead since she has a veto on the general election and can act as a tie breaker. She didn't have to pay income tax until recently and is still one of the richest persons in the world. She is also exempt from inheritance tax.
The French are much lazier than us in the UK. They seem to work about a 25 hour week compared to our 60 hour average and take about 4 months off holiday in the year. Yet they still seem to have a better standard of living than us. Why? Their cost of housing is nothing like our own enslavement to mortgages.
I think they have Mme la guillotine to be thankful for that because once the nobs stopped enjoying their huge estates there was much more land in the pot for everyone.
I can now prove a conspiracy exists going right back to the Domesday book II. Didn't know of this research before now; I was just using the power of inductive logic. They use Ireland as an example where I used France.
http://www.progress.org/revwob.htm
Might have to start posting from an anonymous IP address after this as the MI5 assassins close in.
No, they've got a better solution to handling the whistle blower: just discredit anyone who reveals the truth as a complete nutter who's been on the spesh too much...
Reasonable Force
As one who has been the subject of a couple of aggravated burglaries and a mugging yesterday's liberal becomes today's vigilante.
When you're up against them one on one you realise there is no tactic they will not employ in order to get away.
As an example me and the Mexican I lived with in some shithole surprised a couple of burglars who retreated and found they could not get out. They surprised us and one of them hit me in the chest with a wooden pole. How he did not break a rib, I do not know but I was young then.
We overpowered them but instead of beating both into unconsciousness like I would do now, I tried to call the police. One of the lads broke free, and smashed a teapot on the Mexican's head knocking him out, after I had managed to avoid his knife lunges though I got cut on the hand.
They fled into the night. The Police as ususal didn't care a flying fuck.
Try it. It will change your life.
George Best
If I ever read or have to listen to this anecdote recounted generally in this kind of tone, I will personally pay £75 to have a Chechen Hitman take out the Cant in question. I know George Best is in the media lately for all the wrong reasons, but I just thought I would let rip with this little tale about Georgie in his prime.
It was straight after Manchester United's European Cup triumph. Besty ordered up some champagne to his hotel room. So the bellhop with the champagne knocks on the door and he doesn't get an answer, so he takes this as a sign to go straight in.
Anyway, what a sight greets his eyes. The European Cup's there, half filled with Shampoo and Bestie's on the bed with not one, but two Miss Worlds. He's got his cock up the arse of the blond one and the brunette one is licking his balls as he does this. To top it all this threesome's taking place on top of a pile of £50 notes.
"George," goes the bellhop, "George, where did it all go wrong?"
"Where did it all go wrong?" I ask you. That's so funny you couldn't make it up.
"Where DID it ALL go wrong?" That's probably the way he said it.
Hilarious!
I have since encountered this same bollox 14 times in the Newspapers - Cants.
Iran next for operation 'Freedom'
Tony Blair tonight condemned the Iranian premiers call to wipe Israel off the map. This is similar sort of rhetoric that he employed prior to the invasion of Iraq. Are we going to have to clump that lot in the name of world police?
The way that the army is manned both here and the US, unless we get the international community in, it will require conscription in both our countries.
We'll thump them obviously, but then its guerilla warfare.
The main problem I can see with this one is if a la Haig they recruit a volunteer force.
Saturday Night:Out there on the piss, denied entry to a club. Enter a recruiting booth. "Your Tony needs YOU!"
"Yeah I'll wipe out all those Towelheads. I'm a Fujitsu Ninja warrior. Just send me out there."
"Write your signature just there, son."
Sunday Morning:Wake up and we're praying that the ammo doesn't run out as I feed ammo belts into the HMG in the vain hope that none of the Millions of Fuzzie Wuzzies charging do not reach the British Line in a repetition of the Black Hole of Calcutta.
Ken Livingstone: a Real life Dave Spart
Ken Livingstone said that it would be offensive for the homicide bombers familes to be refused an invitation to the memorial service at St Pauls on Novenber 1st, for the familes of the 52 victims of 7/7.
Ken Livingston is an overgrown adolescent who delights in stoking controversy. It's not necessary for the perpetrators' family to attend a memorial service to the victims in order for them to grieve or apologise. Anyway, surely this is a matter for the relative of the victims and nothing to do with Red Ken.
To be quite honest I would like to see a modern remake of the film "Bring me the head of Alfredo Garcia" with the head of Alfredo being substituted by that of Ken.
The man is a total tosspot with no redeeming features. At least:
Blair: Can be charming
Prescott: Good left hook
Mowlam: Looked quite shaggable as a teenager in 1969
Glenda Jackson: still fanciable after all these years. I'm sure I could turn that perpetual frown into a grimace of joy
With a bit of luck this puerile twat will be barred from office for insulting that Jewish journalist and we will see the last of the real life incarnation of Dave Spart.
The JPH Manifesto
Law and Order 1. Legalise and tax all drugs and prostitution. Release those in prison for drug offences.
2. Build 4X the number of prison places. Introduce hard labour for prisoners.
3. Separate traffic police and ordinary police. Get rid of speed cameras.
4. Elected CPS and Police chief.
Tax 1. Introduction of flat rate of income tax 20%.
2. Extension of lower flat rate of VAT 20%.
In short try to tax near to most transactions at 20% of their value. Undesirable stuff drugs etc to be taxed higher. Except Superlagers which will reduce the appalling tax burden on street drinkers.
Europe 1. Leave european parliament but maintain trade relations.
Constitution 1. Abolition of aristocrasy + house of lords land reform.
2. Adoption of US constitution.
Government 1. Everything apart from the Law and Defence privatised.
2. Mass redundancy of civil servants unnecessarily recuited by Grodon.
Immigration 1. Mass round up of illegals and deportation
2. Re-establish border controls.
3. Controlled immigration where it benefits the British people.
That'll do for a start...
Christian Jihad
Not one day goes by without us reading in the paper that Muslims are trying to ban some of our most cherished traditions like the Piggy Bank, Burger King Icecreams and Winnie the Pooh's Piglet.
It's about time us Christians (that probably doesn't include me really since I'm Church of England) started protesting about the affront to our religion that modern society is. Fellow Christian Warriors here are some suggestions of how to take the war to the enemy.
1. Your workmate eats a bread roll - so offensive because it's the body of Christ.
2. Someone with a headache takes a tablet. For fukes sake Moses had to go up the burning bush to get the tablets in the first place: how can you possibly offend Christian sensibilities more.
3. When you are on a DV (Domestic Violence charge) this works a treat with a beak who knows his Bible.
Tell the judge you gave her a slap because during love making she utterd the words "Oh God. Oh God". One of the commandments forbids against it; the one called taking the name of our Lord in vein [sic].
4. People eating salt. Lot's wife was turned into salt and so if you are eating salt you are eating Lot's wife, which, while she might enjoy it, is committing the sin of adultery.
Let's get out there and reclaim the mainstream of bigotry that used to ours but which we senselessly handed over to the Muslims...
